Hidden fears

Weird topic to start of a new entry in the new year ,but the title captures more or less what has been going on through my mind.We all fear something maybe its about speaking up in a crowd,not fitting in,being different or maybe loosing that which is most precious to us.Come to think of it our lives are defined by the fears from which we suffer .
To a child his or her fears might be of getting caught on not follwing the edicts set by his parents,to a new employee it might be of his messing up the work he has to do in office and so on ....for me its the fear of loosing the one thing which maintains my sanity .
I finally managed to find true love (surprising aint it ??)but from therein rose my fear of loosing her.Not that i suffer from paranoia of her going to somebody else because she loves me...more than i do, it seems to me always.What i am scared of is of her wellbeing.We managed to ride out the storms in our relation ship i.e. angry parents,scheming relatives.her illness and other things it seemed like a regular drama the likes of which u get on star plus ,but we survived to come out stronger than before but at times i feel my resolve failing i just want to sit in a corner and scream my lumgs out at the unfairness of it all.
She has not been keeping well it seems that she gets better and i dare to hope but all of a sudden things get messed up.Sometimes i feel like god is a kid up there with a giant magnifying glass burning us up like ants just for the heck of it .I dont know what tomorrow will bring but i know that i will keep on fighting and smiling for her ..for the one thing which makes me sane .The one person i trust more than i trust myself .My fiance

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 100% Spider-Man 85% Hulk 85% Catwoman 80% Superman 75% Iron Man 75% Supergirl 70% Robin 65% Wonder Woman 60% The Flash 60% Batman 55%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Am A SuperVillain

Your results:
You are Apocalypse

Apocalypse 81% Riddler 75% Magneto 74% Dr. Doom 73% Dark Phoenix 73% Venom 72% The Joker 69% Lex Luthor 65% Mr. Freeze 63% Juggernaut 59% Kingpin 53% Catwoman 49% Two-Face 47% Poison Ivy 46% Mystique 43% Green Goblin 35% >

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Back once again

After a long ,long time am finally back to my blog...had got so caught up with life,had forgotten all about my journal.What do i write as the article for my comeback????No idea.Lots o things have changed.Friends lost,found love and this time its for real,even managed to get a decent job.....

So is every thing peachy keen ???Nope the discontent is still there.I feel bound down.Was better off being a nobody when people thoght that i was sent on this planet to waste life......Got bitten by a bug to prove them wrong and i did and now i wonder if i am wrong.

Previously my life was about doing the things which i liked,though i used to wander around alone..i was happy.No one told me to do anything or expected anything from me. Now........

Have u seen the ad which starts of something like "Slavery still exists...it has just changed form or maybe we just choose to ignore it....."

Tags ,badges,access cards ,workstations............suffocating me.Need to go on a hike like i did or used to ,in another life time.Might sound cliched but this is another life ..cos the one which i wanted is dead

Check out this music its know as "Requiem for a dream" lemme know wt u feel about it..

White dreams:step 3 she gives me fever

Some people migh wonder why am i writing a blog regardin the effect of an intoxicant...people out there am not espousing or championing abuse (drugs/substance) in any way.I want people to read my stuff and realise how close i had come to darkness how close i was to loosing sanity and maybe they would be wiser and not embark on the path which i had traversed on a time .

This was my third time with her.I was pretty familiar with her but she was a coy one never revealing all her secrets .......every time was another witches brew.I had become her's body and soul ,i could hardly imagine life with her.I was listening to pink floyd's learnin to fly. An amazin track.Gradually i started gettin lost in her embrace and she darkened my world to reveal the world without being.

I opened my eyes and saw the passage of time.I saw the paint peeling off the walls and the old being replaced with the new.I was untouched by time.Time stood still for me.I got up and looked around and saw what i had always feared .............the scarred earth.She was bloddied and lay down gasping her last breaths from the various tortures we humans(??????) had inflicted on her.

Her once fruitful womb was laid bare.She lay there with the life essecnec gone from her.A tear rolled down my eye ...........not for her,for us ...our stupidity.And i came back to reality.

It was a sobering experience....i pray what i had seen that day doesnt come to pass.

Poaching

I just discovered one thing.Something which i never thought i would be .Naa i dont have V.D like some of u smart alecks out there might be thinking.I found out i am kinda insecure.Have seen so many people through my 23 years some hav become damn good friends ,some have faded away into the mists of time and are nothing but memories whch surface like a whiff of strangely intoxicating smell and others ...............

I am an introvert and dont make friends easily, some people say that i am a snobbish bastard but i am just a biot weird.The few people who are close to me are being poached.......i mean call me childish and an idiot, they were my friends people with whom i shared my times, now unknown people are coming out of the woodwork and are crawling into their lives.I am bitter.I feel let down its stupid nothing has happened but i feel the need to go away from them.So its goodbye california .

I am reverting to my old self........the dreamer...the painter.This is the second metamorphosis, dont know what i am going to become but its gonna be interesting.....To see the new me.

Changing Times
Pehle se aab woh din hain naa pehle se raat hain,
shayaad hamarein bich kahin koi baat hain.

Two lines from some song keep running in my head,how things change, i mean one moment thers utter bliss and the next moment a numbing shock. A sense of unreality ,it could never happen so the phrase runs through your head.I mean why does this happen, every single time.Every single time i trusted someone beleived in them enough to lower my guards down and be me it happens ,lies,betrayals and a part of my soul dead.
What am i ???What kind of a human being?am not a monster ,neither am a saint.For me shades of grey dont apply cos as some one had told me ,i am weird ....not black,not white and too open to be grey.I know it probably doesnt make sense to people but to me it does. Today i am too confused to make sense i dont even know what i am writing adn whether it will make sense.Ghosts from the past are grinning like a fool at me or is it that i am the fool.So many mistakes........enginnering,dona,jyotsna,job.The greatest mistake being born

An exercise in nothingness

Hmm...weird titile for a post ,but guess what ?? Thats what i have been upto for the past few days i.e. nothing.people have this weird conception that doing nothing adn lazing on your butt is very easy as easy as falling off a log if not easier.I am here to shatter the myth.
Have you,all of those hard working people out there given a thought to what it takes to do nothing,u must all think its easy ,just lie in a spot and vegetate.Thats not it .To really do nothing takes a huge lot o work i mean just try lying in a place doing or atleast trying to do nothing,u will find a zillion thoughts crowding into your head.Suddenly a million things which need your attention creeps into your mind and each one offering more dire consequences than the last if you dont attend to them and they drive you nuts and you get back to working your ass off.
Apart form that you have to spend considerable amount of energy behind those who would disturb you from your blessed reverie.You have to lie ,brainwash,hide and do god knows what to maintain your sang-froid and spend your time whiling it away.
So next time when you all feel that wasting time requires no work at all stop and give it a thought.Till next post .
ciao.